


"i loved you first,"

by zacefronspants (orphan_account)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, M/M, Soulmate AU, but it ends happy so there's that, im just an angsty goblin, no one asked for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 04:52:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12697755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/zacefronspants
Summary: soulmate au in which sonny and rafael dont have the others name but love each other anyways





	"i loved you first,"

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to my svu discord for helping me with this

It’s late, but he’s sitting so close, looking at Rafael and making up complaining about constellations, “Look, listen, all I’m saying is that any little cluster of stars,” he’s gesturing so wildly that Rafael nearly drops the container of fried rice in his fingers, leaning against the wall when Sonny says, “I just don’t think that all clusters have a meaning.” And he looks so relaxed and sleepy that all Rafael can do is nod along and roll his eyes. Sonny glances at him and he almost feels like he’s the one who put the moon in the sky, but all he can say is, “It’s late, we have court in the morning,”

Rafael pretend not to notice Sonny’s hand clench and his chest deflate as Rafael pushes off the wall and hold his hand out to him, but he notices and he thinks he’ll always notice everything about him; from the curve of his nose, to the green in his eyes. 

Rafael looking at him so intently he nearly miss the look of awe that strikes his face when he says, “If there is a life outside of this one, I think I’m gonna be with you there, too.” and Rafael feels his lungs tighten because this, in front of him, smiling at you with all his teeth, with his tie undone and dress shirt rumpled, is what happiness is; it’s Sonny, with salt and ketchup on the side of his mouth. it’s their shoulders brushing and their fingers touching, but sleep is starting to seep into his bones and it’s causing his eyes to water, but he’s too afraid to leave or look away because if this is a dream, he’s not sure he wants to wake up.

But then it’s fall and the air is crisper than it was in July and it makes Rafael’s chest ache because Sonny is baring his heart out, telling him that wants Rafael in spite of their names not being on the other. 

And he’s begging, not in as many words, but he’s pleading, “Pick me,” over and over with every single blink of his mossy eyes and it’s making Rafael sick. But he keeps smiling at him and talking, vomiting all his words out of his mouth until he thinks he can taste stomach acid on his tongue. Sonny licks his lips he’s watching pink move on pink and Rafael starts to wonder what his mouth tastes like; cherry sundaes or chlorine, maybe grease and cotton candy. Each time he starts to open his mouth, all that comes out is, “I’m fine,”

Sonny’s still looking at Rafael, but his eyes are somewhere else as he chews on his lips absent minded until they’re puffy and cherry red. Rafael opens his mouth to talk, but Sonny beats him to it, rushing out, “Pick me, it always ends with you and me,“ he’s looking at Rafael, and he finishes, "it’s always us at the end of the day. So pick me, I’m begging you, pick me.” Rafael’s fingers are curling in on themselves because he wants to touch Sonny, wants to pull him into his chest and kiss his hair and tell he’s alright, it’s okay, but all he can do is sit there in stunned silence.

Rafael blinks at him and blinks and blinks and blinks until he hear in the back of his head, Sonny whispering drunkenly while tracing the name on his wrist, “M’gonna marry you, so no one else can hold your hand, I think.” And he’s looking at Rafael so earnestly that he wants to touch his cheek and tell yes, yes it’s him, it’ll always be him but all he can say is, “I’m so sorry, bug.” He’s reaching out to grasp at Sonny’s clenched fists, but there are fat tears in Sonny’s eyes and Rafael freezes, just sits there and watches Sonny push away from the table and fix his suit. “That’s it, then counselor?” And Rafael hates the edge in Sonny’s voice, the prickly feeling it sends down his spine.

Sonny’s already a few feet ahead of their table when Rafael stutters out, “But I picked you,” and he doesn’t noticed that he’s pushed away from the table until his hands are yanking Sonny back into his chest and gripping at the lapels of his suit jacket murmuring, “It’s you, it’s you, it’s you. It’s always been you, I picked you the minute I laid eyes on you, please Sonny,” and he’s crying; all soft sniffles and quiet sobs. Sonny grips at his hands and slips their fingers together, twisting around and pressing their foreheads together, an exasperated sigh leaving his mouth when he says, “You’re so fucking slow, Barba.” And it makes Rafael laugh out loud and nod, leaning up slightly to press his mouth to Sonny’s, pressing closed mouth kisses to Sonny’s chapped lips. 

Briefly, Rafael thinks that Sonny’s always been his.  

**Author's Note:**

> the ending is very rushed and i apologize


End file.
